Archer's Sexual Partners

Dissertations and deadlines have delayed me, but I've finally caught up with the excellent Archer, now in its fifth season. The first three are on Netflix, and while binge-watching I was struck by just how complicated the characters' sexual lives are. After a couple of episodes I went back and started making notes, and continued to do so for the rest of the show. To satisfy some bizarre urge I've charted the various relationships; obviously season five isn't over yet so I'll probably have to make some additions, but for now BEHOLD: [EDIT: Now complete for the end of season five]

Anyway, below are my unpolished notes, if people want to correct any mistakes I might have made:

? = unsure if it counts – using the SO idea. ‘Wouldn’t want to offend that boyfriend of yours, eh what?’

?? = unsure if it happened

??? = both

Only new instances are recorded for each episode; referring to an event already listed does not count

1.1       Mole Hunt

            Archer + Unnamed French Air Hostess

            ??Archer + Receptionist (“I swear to God Mr. Archer I’ve got HR on speed dial!”)

            Archer + Lana (flashback)

            Archer + two prostitutes (flashback, operational expense (15:31)

            ??Archer + Expensive Prostitute (flashback, operational expense)

            Malory + Nikolai Jackov (phone sex)

            ?Krieger + fridge food

            Archer + Cheryl (flashback)

            ??Lana + Cyril (implied; they’ve been dating for three months)

1.2       Training Day

            Archer + Trinette (“The sick shit I’ve done in this apartment”)

            Lana + Cyril (‘The night aint over yet’, ‘your… other qualities’)

            ??Malory + Kermit Roosevelt Jr. (‘Uncle Kermit’)

1.3       Diversity Hire

Cheryl + Conway

1.4       Killing Utne

??Mannfred + Uta (Clearly in a relationship, probably sexual)

1.5       Honeypot

            Malory + Nikolai Jackov (sex tape)

            Archer + Schoolgirl Prostitutes

            Charles + Rudy (Duh, and or hello)

1.6       Skorpio

            Archer + Pita

            Archer + Redhead (no way he’s letting her on the terrace otherwise)

            Lana + Archer + Skorpio

            Cyril + Cheryl

1.7       Skytanic

            Cyril + Cheryl

1.8       The Rock

1.9       Job Offer

            ?Lana + Barry (‘Sorry that I’m accidentally inside you.’ | ‘Not a problem.’)

            Archer + Framboise

            ??Barry + Framboise (‘Well, engaged to be engaged.’)

            Cyril + Framboise

1.10     Dial M for Mother

            Archer + Starlets

            Archer + Models

            Archer + Two Actual Princesses

            Archer + Brazilian au pair

            ??Cheryl + Krieger (‘It’s your weak womany hands’)

            Malory  + Len Trexler

            Malory  + Buddy Rich

            ??Archer + Trinette (‘His father knows Krav Maga’)

            ?Cheryl + ChokeBot

            Cyril + Scatterbrain Jane

            Cyril + Malory (‘Miss Archer, you’re trying to seduce me’)

            Lana + Pam

2.1       Swiss Miss

            Sia + Carlito

            Sia + Carlito’s Twin

            Malory + Pam + Conrad Scholtz

2.2       A Going Concern

            Len Trexler + Anastasia

            ??Ray + Ray’s lesbian wife

2.3       Blood Test

            Archer + Trinette (flashback)

            Archer + Lana (flashback x2)

            ?Lana + Cheryl (‘I think I just did’)

            Burrows + his wife (presumed, flashback)

            ??Pam + Cyril (‘I was trying to get him off!’)

            Ray + Cyril (‘Hey Cyril. How’s it hanging buddy?’ 4.5: ‘Is it too much to ask…’)

            Cyril + Trinette (flashback)

2.4       Pipeline Fever

            Lana + Joshua Gray alias Gandalf (flashback)

2.5       The Double Deuce

            Woodhouse + two ‘Orientals’ (flashback on a merchant schooner)

2.6       Tragical History

            Cyril + The Twins (handjobs)

            ??The Twins + George Spelvin (‘I think ninjas are hot’ | ‘Right?’)

            Archer + every harlot from here to Hanoi

2.7       Movie Star

            ?Ray + Randy Muckler (‘was just leading me on to get out of the draft’)

            Archer + Black-haired woman + Blonde woman (flashback; possibly the same two as seen in 1.1)

            Malory + Cyril

2.8       Stage Two

            ??Archer + Russian Spy (flashback)

            Archer + Rita (flashback)

            Archer + Vegas prostitute (blowjob)

            Dicky + Vegas prostitute (blowjob)

            Archer + Cheryl (flashback)

            Archer + Lana

            ??Malory + Dr. Speltz

2.9       Placebo Effect

            Malory + Franny Delaney

2.10     El Secuestro

            Pam + Moped Guy

2.11     Jeu Monégasque

            Archer + snorkelling prostitute (blowjob)

            Malory + A Duke

2.12     White Nights

            Malory + Nikolai (video sex)

2.13     Double Trouble

            Archer + Katya

            Party Chairmen (Lemon)

3.1       Heart of Archness: Part I

            Archer + newlywed(s)

3.2       Heart of Archness: Part II

            Archer + two native girls

Malory + Rip Riley

??Cyril + Pam

3.3       Heart of Archness: Part III

3.4       The Man from Jupiter

            Malory + Burt Reynolds

3.5       El Contador

            ??Ray + Gay Club attendees (he’s not actually paralysed at this point, remember)

??Pam + up to seven guys (‘It tastes worse than it smells!’ | ‘If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a guy say that… I’d have eight nickels!’)

3.6       The Limited

3.7       Drift Problem

            ???Malory + Cheryl (‘She beat it out of me’)

3.8       Lo Scandalo

            Malory + Savio Mascalzoni (‘once a year, for, like, 35 years’)

            Malory + beautiful idealistic young Italian man

3.9       Bloody Ferlin

            ??Archer + stewardess (‘That’s why I’m here and not up to my ears in stewardess’)

            Cheryl + Randy Gillette

310      Crossing Over

            Archer + Pam (x4)

?Cheryl + Barry (I know they say choke sex later but how would they know? They do tend to assume the worst about her, cf. handcuffed herself to a radiator. Also ‘which at first was really hot, but then…’)

3.11     Skin Game

            Archer + the entire Pacific rim

            Archer + Katya

            Archer + vacuum cleaner (Electrolux?)

            Barry + Katya

3.12     Space Race: Part I

            Archer + Pam

3.13     Space Race: Part II

4.1       Fugue and Riffs

            ??Archer + Linda

            Malory + Ron Cadillac

4.2       The Wind Cries Mary

            Archer + Black-haired woman (flashback)

            ??Lucas Troy + Black-haired woman (she just blew archer so unlikely)

            Lucas Troy + Archer

4.3       Legs

            ??Malory + Archer’s doctor (flashback)

4.4       Midnight Ron

            ??Archer + brunette at casino

            Archer + Cheryl (chlamydia)

4.5       Viscous Coupling

            ??Ron + Malory (‘If he plays his cards right…’)

            Lana + Cyril

            Cheryl + Fireman (she has bruises on her neck)

            ??Pam + Fireman

            ??Ray + Octopus

            ??Cyril + Octopus

4.6       Once Bitten

4.7       Live and Let Dine

            Cheryl + Rodney (handjob)

4.8       Coyote Lovely

            Border patrol guards (blowjob)

4.9       The Honeymooners

            Lana + Cyril

            Krieger + Pigley III

4.10     Un Chien Tangerine

            ??Archer + Dutch co-eds

4.11     The Papal Chase

            ??Lana + Cyril (‘church stuff’)

            ??Malory + Cardinal Corelli

4.12     Sea Tunt: Part I

            ??Cecil Tunt + Tiffy

            ???Cheryl + Barry (‘Choke sex – that’s her kink – with a KGB cyborg’)

4.13     Sea Tunt: Part II

5.1       White Elephant

            ?Cheryl + Special Agent Holly’s TASER

            ??Malory + ‘Him’

5.2       A Kiss While Dying

            Archer + his landlord’s wife

            ??Ramone + Charles + Rudy

5.3       A Debt of Honor

            Pam + three Yakuza members (flashback)

5.4       House Call

            ??Archer + ladyboys (on his semester abroad)

5.5       Southbound and Down

            ??Pam + truck-stop attendees (‘well, and the snowballs’)

            ??Pam + Archer (promised, anyway)

5.6       Baby Shower

5.7       Smugglers’ Blues

            Archer + au pair (probably previously mentioned in 1.10)

            Archer + La Madrina

5.8       The Rules of Extraction

            Confirmation of Malory + Pam (‘Oh my God that’s right)

5.9       On the Carpet

5.10     Palace Intrigue: Part I

            Archer + Juliana

            Archer + someone he bumped into on a train

            Archer + someone he bumped into on a ferry

            Archer + someone he bumped into in a portable lavatory in Baltimore

            ??Juliana + Gustavo Calderon (they are married, after all)

5.11     Palace Intrigue: Part II

5.12     Filibuster

5.13     Arrivals/Departures